Korean culture · 5 min read ·
Banmal vs Jondaemal: When Do Korean Friends Drop Formal Speech?
In English, becoming friends with someone doesn’t change your grammar. In Korean, it does. The day a friend says 우리 말 놓을까? — “Shall we talk casually?” — is a small milestone in the relationship. Getting it right is one of the things that makes your Korean sound natural rather than textbook.
Short answer
존댓말 (jondaemal) is polite Korean, usually ending in -요; 반말 (banmal) is casual Korean without it. Koreans start with jondaemal with anyone new or older and switch to banmal only after both people agree — a moment called 말 놓기, “putting down the speech”. The older or higher-status person usually suggests it.
What is the difference between banmal and jondaemal?
Korean has several speech levels, but in everyday life you mostly need three. The verb ending carries the level, so every single sentence signals the relationship.
| Level | Example: “Did you eat?” | Where you hear it |
|---|---|---|
| Formal polite (합쇼체) | 식사하셨습니까? | News, announcements, the army, very formal work settings |
| Polite (해요체) — jondaemal | 밥 먹었어요? | Strangers, coworkers, anyone older, shop staff — the safe default |
| Casual (해체) — banmal | 밥 먹었어? | Close friends of similar age, younger siblings, partners, and anyone who agreed to it |
Jondaemal also involves word choice, not just endings: 드시다 instead of 먹다 for an elder eating, 주무시다 instead of 자다 for sleeping. For friends your age, though, the -요 ending is the main switch.
Who uses banmal with whom?
- Same age, close friends: banmal, usually soon after you become friends.
- Different ages: the younger person usually keeps jondaemal unless the older one suggests otherwise. Even then, many younger people keep a softer style with older friends.
- Work: mostly jondaemal, even between close coworkers, especially in front of others.
- Online: strangers in comments often use banmal or a clipped style, but in a one-to-one chat, starting polite is still the safe move.
Koreans often ask your age (나이) or birth year early. It isn’t nosy — it helps decide which speech level and which form of address to use.
What does 말 놓기 (“dropping formal speech”) mean?
말을 놓다 literally means “to put down your speech.” It is the moment two people agree to switch from jondaemal to banmal. It is usually explicit — someone asks — because switching without asking can feel rude, as if you decided the relationship on your own.
| Korean | Romanization | Meaning and when to use it |
|---|---|---|
| 우리 말 놓을까요? | uri mal noeulkkayo? | Shall we speak casually? The classic, polite way to suggest it. |
| 말 편하게 하세요. | mal pyeonhage haseyo. | Feel free to speak casually (to me). Often said by the older person. |
| 우리 동갑인데 말 놓자! | uri donggabinde mal nocha! | We’re the same age, let’s talk casually! Very common between peers. |
| 좋아! 그럼 이제 반말한다? | joa! geureom ije banmalhanda? | Okay! Then I’m going casual now, yeah? A playful way to accept. |
| 저는 아직 존댓말이 편해요. | jeoneun ajik jondaenmari pyeonhaeyo. | I’m still more comfortable with polite speech. A gentle decline. |
After the switch, people often drop the name ending 씨 too: 지수 씨 becomes 지수야, using -아 after a consonant and -야 after a vowel.
What are the most common banmal mistakes learners make?
- Switching without asking. If someone hasn’t offered, stay with -요.
- Mixing levels in one message. 응, 저도 좋아요 jumps from casual “yeah” to polite “me too”. Pick one.
- Using banmal with an elder because they used it with you. An older person speaking casually to you is not an invitation to do the same.
- Forgetting the names. 너 (“you”) is fine in banmal but still feels blunt; Koreans often use the name instead.
- Translating “you” in polite speech. 당신 can sound cold or confrontational. In jondaemal, use the person’s name plus 씨, or just leave “you” out.
How can you practice the switch before it happens for real?
The tricky part is not memorizing the endings — it is the moment of the switch and staying consistent afterwards. That is hard to practice from a textbook, so we built it into Hi Jisoo.
In Hi Jisoo, two of the five fictional friends start in polite speech and three in casual speech (meet them here). After you have been chatting for a while, a friend may bring up the topic of speaking more casually, or ask what she should call you. Each friend does it at her own pace — the calm one waits much longer than the playful one — and only when the chat is light, not when you are sad or have asked her to just listen.
- If you say yes, she switches from that reply on and keeps it.
- If you say no, or your answer is unclear, she won’t keep asking.
- If you already told her what to call you, she doesn’t ask again.
- You can also set each friend’s speech style yourself — default, casual or polite — in her settings.
- 근데 우리 얘기한 지 꽤 됐잖아요. 혹시 말 편하게 할까요?We’ve been talking for a while now. Want to speak more casually?
- 좋아! 말 놓자.Sure! Let’s go casual.
- 그럼 이제 진짜 친구다. 오늘 뭐 했어?Then we’re real friends now. What did you do today?
Practicing both sides — asking, accepting and declining — means that when a Korean friend asks you for real, the right reply is already in your mouth.
Hi Jisoo is in development for iPhone and Android and isn’t available to download yet. Every friend is a fictional adult AI character.
Frequently asked questions
Is banmal rude?
Not between people who have agreed to it — then it sounds close and natural. It becomes rude when used with someone older, a stranger or a coworker who hasn’t offered it.
Who should suggest switching to banmal?
Usually the older or more senior person suggests it. Between people of the same age, either one can ask, often with 우리 말 놓을까요?
Can I use banmal with Korean friends my age?
Yes, once you are friends and have agreed on it. Many same-age Koreans switch quickly, especially after learning they were born in the same year.
What does 말 놓다 mean?
It literally means “to put down your speech” and refers to switching from polite speech (존댓말) to casual speech (반말) with someone, usually after one person suggests it.